Into the wild...

July newsletter

Hi Team,

I feel fear and joy to be here again, after another month has passed, to reflect on my experiments and my learnings. Fear, because I don't know what will appear in this space. Joy, because I love to put the pieces together, witness the journey, and acknowledge growth - both mine and others. My hope is that it may offer some hope, inspiration, or awareness of your process, and mostly encourage the vulnerable sharing of your own journey, successes and lessons. I would love to hear them! If you have a link to your own newsletter please share in the comments. I want to make this a community of sharing our adventures - internal and external!

Now, I will jump in!

The Jewish month of Av holds within it Tisha B'Av (commemoration of the destruction of the Temple) and Tu B'Av (celebration of love). From destruction we move to love. I've been observing the places in my life that need destroying, so that they can be rebuilt into something that is more aligned with my soul's desires - my Bright Principles. I find that amidst destruction there is always a choice- to fall to despair, or to remember that it is leading to something better. The key to this choice, for me, is FEELING. Feeling whatever is there, and allowing the wisdom and the healing to come through. Then new decisions can be made, new intentions set, new power embodied to implement change.

In Parenting:

My journey with unconscious anger continued and went through a major shift this month. After implementing conscious feelings work (see last month's newsletter), Libby and I had huge breakthroughs - moments of great love and connection- followed by massive falls. She's a bit psychic, and I mentioned to a friend that I have to be careful with everything I think around her, because she literally feels it as reality. My friend commented that that sounds very tiring. “You're not free”. That's exactly how I felt; trapped, exhausted, and like our relationship was “hard work”. As that landed in me it felt so accurate and deep. I started to notice how collective the story is that “children are hard work”, or “my relationships are hard work”, or “they are the hard child”, “they are my trigger”, etc. I saw how self-fulfilling this is; the more I say it, the more evidence I see of it, the more solifified the story becomes as "true”. In my healing process with this, I saw that this was the message that I got from my mother. That I was hard work. (There is no victimhood or blame here. It it is all part of the collective wounding and healing; stories that we interpret as truth that get past down from generation to generation. How far we’ve come since “Children should be seen and not heard”…and how much further there is to go until we can have clear, open-hearted, truly respectful relationships with our children).

This story had trickled into my identity, and told me that I was “hard work”, difficult to be with, and that relationships were difficult.

Knowing how shit this feels, I do not want to pass this on to my children. I want them to feel wanted and enjoyed! I felt the full sadness of this reality, and then made a new decision: “my relationship with my children can be easeful”. (And even, “all of my relationships can be easeful”) I made the commitment to reflect to my children how much I enjoy spending time with them. I have noticed a drastic change, both in my consciousness and in my relationships with them. Of course there is still anger, sadness and fear - thank God for that! - AND a lot more joy and ease. Less mental work. Less control. Less of my ancestors voices interupting the present moment. A bit more flow.

Also, knowing that there are the full range of experiences within the parent/child dynamic, I decided to go through another level of forgiveness to my own mother, and to receive energetically all the gifts she passed on to me - empathy, sensitivity, intuitiveness, care, boundaries. I am seeing the ripple effects of this healing.

In partnership:

A friend once said that relationships are like the infinity symbol; there are times of unity (overlapping in the centre) and times of separation (when each person is on the farthest side, in their own thing). The key is not to judge either extreme, not to crave or reject either place, to be with what is. I have noticed that when Yaniv and I are in “separation” there is a lot of unconscious fear that arises in me. While I love spending time with myself, this month I saw my teenage-self taking over with insecurities (I'm boring, I talk too much, he's not interested in me, what if our connection is dead, etc). I felt like I was digging a hole that just kept getting deeper and deeper. I tried to rekindle our connection in the way that I have learnt.. .by sharing, sharing some more, and pushing him to share. It just made me feel further away. (So much sadness here for my younger self, and all the fear she went through begging for connection). It was time for some major alone time!! I sent Yaniv and libby away for the weekend and spent Shabbat doing what I love - observing Imanuel playing, reading, doing experiments with awareness,playing with my crystals and cards, playing guitar, singing, resting. And I finally used the “separation” for what it's meant for - to come back to myself. Upon their return, I experimented with bringing my new centre into the relationships, and saw how the fears had been shifting my centre OUTSIDE; looking for reactions and reflections, confirmation that “everything is ok”. I saw that when I came back to really being OK on the inside, I could let our flow naturally return…in and out and round and round. This experiment of connection to myself AND other is never-ending…so many layers to reveal. Thank you, Yaniv, for staying here as we move through the layers.

In life:

Packing, packing, packing. As we get ready for our adventure, it has been a journey of major cleansing- inside and out. The experiment for me has been to do it all with joy, flow. To notice when I'm forcing, rushing, in fear and SLOW DOWN…but not stop!!! Writing to-do lists, making time to give my full attention to Imanuel (10-months-old), celebrating my successes (even if it's just one box a day!), to bring joy and fun to it all AND feel the other feelings all present. To NOT STOP FEELING! And keep doing. This has been my biggest learning from this period. And I feel very alive!!

There is fear of what will be. Mostly, “what if nothing changes?”. “We'll just be the same in a different place”. So I looked deeper. What do I want? I asked my anger. I want change. I want adventure. I want to discover new parts of myself. I want deeper connection with the earth. I want to feel more of God. I want for us all to return to our essence. I want to see what possibilities there are for living with the earth. I want to take another step out of Modern Culture, and see what is over the other side.

Then there are other fears like, “what will I do with the children all day long?” “how will I cope in nature when yaniv is not there?” “How will I manage the heat and the bugs”? And the fear tells me, “stay present. You'll know what to do!”

For a while, this month, the fear overtook the joy and excitement turned into doubt. I saw the lack of joy, and experimented with how I could nurture my joy in the present, instead of running away into the future. Slowing down, meditating, moving and using my physical body, noticing the full range of joy - from 1-100%. And surely, joy seeped back into my cells and my awareness. Calm and steady joy…and sometimes Ecstatic, mind-blowing joy too!

Sharing the love and the learning 🔥

I'm so grateful to have been holding the extraordinary space of the FEELING YOUR WAY online series, which has kept me grounded and focused through this month. Meeting with a group of between 6-9 incredible women, to share an intro into Transitional Healing using tools, distinctions and experiments from Possibility Management. It has been high-level fun; full of intimacy, vulnerablity, presence, openness, curiousity, and ALIVENESS!! What an honour to be sharing this work with others, and seeing its impact.

The next FREE monthly workshop will be on Wednesday 30th August, 10-11.30am (Israel time), online. (Whatsapp: 0587028508 to register). “Get to know your Gremlin”.

I'm opening an online 1:1 space for Transitional Healing while we go on our journey; for Anger Activation, five-bodied-emotional experience, and Empowerment During Change. One-off or on-going processes available.

As we go on our journey into the wild, we will have a whatsapp group to send updates of where we are and - when appropriate- we would love to have you join us - for a visit, a singing circle, to co-create space with us….whatever calls you. We are experimenting with alternative, conscious and alive lifestyle. If you would like to be added to the whatsapp group, please send me your number privately or in the comments.

That's it from me. May we all choose to destroy that which no longer serves us, so that we may live with even more love, connection, purpose and alignment with our souls desires!

With love,

Gemma